now that it’s finally time,
the only moment that is really guaranteed in life,
I have just a few minutes to think
or stop myself from thinking by chanting,
“intanto, da sempre. rifanno il disegno le stelle…”
and so on, to remember and connect
to prepare to forget…events, ties.
I force myself to breathe.
it’s the only thing to do, the only thing that counts anymore.
with gratitude in my heart for every breath.
I breathe in deeply, hold,
exhale, out…it’s a good thing I practiced all this time
for this moment when breath has become metratura.
all these years constantly breathing
as an initiate, healer, teacher and guide.
have I finished? have I closed everything I needed to?
books after reading to the last page?
conflicts suspended in the air for so long?
and all the things, everything
there is and that was
that there is and has been
to say, scream, paint, learn and create
with gratitude for the spectrum of emotion
every feeling from fury to ecstasy
I leaves traces of creations, writings, few possessions.
I am grateful for every fire. the Sacred Fire
the one for my birthday, the nucleo
the one from Spiritual Healers School and Ecstatic Dance
the one to light the bonfire and the ones for every New Year,
Purification of the People, days for honoring the elements,
Day of the Dead,
the one to burn leaves
and the ones of the sun and the moon
offered during Solstice and Equinox,
a chain of moments
fixing my imprint of awareness
in the territory of time.
closed. did I turn off the faucet in the bathroom this morning?
did I turn off the iron after I ironed this outfit?
which I selected as the last expression of fashion and choice
fluorescent kimono and cowboy boots
to express my Texas-Asian ethnic roots
until the last breath.
ah, yes. I need to remember to breathe.
did I say it all?
did I say “I love you” to everyone I love?
saying it while looking the person in the eye without using
the compromise of “ti voglio bene” in Italian,
which doesn’t even exist in English,
either “I love you” or “I don’t.”
then, all the other words aren’t so important.
all the novels that I wrote,
that will live beyond me.
if people will read them, if they won’t,
they will read the stars, which I will become.
did I dance every chance I had?
enjoying the body while it was here
while it’s here.
now with my final breaths,
beautiful trascendental music,
and I dance with the lungs,
with eyes that peek open and take in
clouds and fog,
with the heat and the cold that alternate in my veins,
with my toes, which I don’t feel anymore
even though I move them with the will of my mind.
all this. now. whether I am prepared or not.
I enter into the door that brings me to the threshold.
to fly, onward to the next adventure,
la mia vita
Adesso che é proprio il momento,
l’unico momento veramente certo nella vita,
ho pochi minuti per pensare,
o allontanare i pensieri,
attraverso il canto:
“intanto, da sempre, rifanno il disegno le stelle…” Continue reading